I ended up on his bed again with him presiding over me and grunting. He hadn't deflowered me by taking off my dress, he worked around it although no longer was my breasts covered and just out there to be touched or whatnot nor did my dress go all the way to my ankles, it stopped at my waist; he still had me an dstill could be just as naughty too. The house was empty, all his siblings gone, which was great after coming home from disappointment and sorrow. Love making would defintely be great because we wouldn't be bothered and no-and all of those emotions today would be channeled in this act.So with every moan and sigh, i felt his heart. I felt the heartache, but his love too. His love too but even during any time we made love, he was careful not to spill himself all in me for the fear he'd impregnant me..maybe this stemmed from something..maybe..but i wouldn't mind as i wasn't ready for any sort of child either..so he did good then. But it didn't mean he did not work hard with all his pushing and caressing. Too gently for me...he worked as hard as he did when working at the jacobins or whatever, yet love and the gentleness..the love..He broke down and cried onto my shoulder and i hugged him closer.. it was the worst fear..besides anything..

I did not doubt his tears or what he cried for, because i may of not been in his boat; i couldn't ignore his pain..i had to share with him..all of it..None of his siblings needed to visit him in this condition..he ws the pillar..the pillar of strength..too much pressure really..too much really. If we just got over this rough part..if we did..then..

but what of his own tears?

weren't they pure too?

did anything he say reflect on him also? I couldn't be that..no one would be like me. NO one. "Maximilien..Maximilien..." I'd cradle him instead and nurse his broken heart. He cried unlike others. It was all silent and without the fussing. It wasn't anything conventional."I think your years matter too.."

"I think they do. Mine aren't the only pure ones. You cry rom the broken sorrow and frustration in your heart. So your tears are so pure as mine and..and..and.."

"And..and..and.."

It was the worst fear living in him, come true. Revolutions did destroy, did destroy and reveal all sorts of trecheary, underneath in people and shattered any bonds of chance, of any happiness, of any real future..but he could forget the revolution, as it was a gift. my gift to ease his mind. Mine too. "I'll hold you until you stop my dear frenchman."

He needed me now.

He needed me now..

How can i say that from this moment that i held one of the rising stars of the revolution; that i held one that cried?

How can i say so?

Everything he did for me, i'd do for him equally. Equally was the simplicity of love. I stroked off his wig and got to his real hair, experiencing the every piercing of his crying. Still i wished for any sound to come from his lips, any..then he restarted the throbbing in me and on the oncoming feelings away from him. No. No..No..No..

"Robespierre.."

He still shedded his tears yet yet..he still engaged me.

No! No! NO!

He couldn't cut me off! Not because of love making either! Not because he didn't want to share! No! No!! No! I began screaming and not because of his dick in me but my frustration at his ignorance. How could he care by not-by blocking me out?!! I was to be his wife! I was to be his wife dammit! His wife sometime! And i was offereing to lift some burden of his to me! So why do this to me?! Why?!

Why?!

Why block me out?!

I wailed my arms and purposely hit him, weeping now hysterically and cursing too. Why? Why Maxime?! Why?! I was offering so why discard me? I worked hard to push him away..

I pushed him back, flinging all of him out, and me rocking in silent disbelief and deep hurt. Why?! Damn it. Damn it..i spiked a look at him and saw nothing but the backside. Damn it! no.no.no.NO.NO!! NO!!!

I wanted to see his face and scream at it..I then swung myself over and landed harshly but the landing on surfaces meant anything to my sniffling.

"Maximilien..don't do this to me..don't..don't.."

I wanted merely to cuddle him, to cradle him in his pain but instead he desired nothing for it. For me not to know. This was a blow to me, to my psyche..more than it. Why though? Why hide it from me?

Okay..

Okay it was to hide once in public but this was our private life.

So why?

Why?! WHY?! why?!

I was upset at him but it meant i loved him no less..and even though i felt as horrible, my pain of exclusion couldn't compare to his..still there was no excuse..none for this act. He hurt me enough to make me never talk to him again..ever too..but i couldn't be stubborn and go on that route. He needed me and i cannot ignore his desperate please. I cannot.

Quietly i crept back on the bed expecting to see nothing of his face and only his back yet he surprised me by reaching and pressing the moment i came to his rescue. He patted kisses like magic..to make sure no booboos ever came back again but kisses were not to work as well..but they felt nice though..and everytime he kissed, his cheeks i could always sense..wetness. Wet. Soaked. But none of this ever helped me..none of it.

But Maximilien..Maximilien..

"Don't push me away."

"Tomiko."

"Tomiko nothing. Don't do it please? Because i'm trying to ease you and you're-you're--"

He fawned me.

Had the crying left him drained?

Exhausted?

Mine did. SO much that i wished never to have any more fits or tears or get to anything which could start me off. I stared at his face and noticed the paleness of more than usual and realized he was only exerting himself too far. That had to stop really.."I told you it wasn't only me that is as pure..you are too..more than anyone else i can know. I say this because it is the truth to me..and so refusing me to help you..you've hurt me very badly-

"And i cried again too but i forgive you for it..because i love you so much. And note i do not do this fro everyone, only the special ones in my heart..and you're special.so you must open up to me more..because not only do i share your bed but your name pretty soon..and i believe i'm entitled to be let it. Don't you Maxime? Don't you?" I can't describe nor draw or contain my feelings anywhere that has such certain limits. I couldn't. Words were one of those things..words and paper..but i couldn't tell if he understood so i stated it again. He replied with another drawing kiss to my lips. "I love you." I mumbled deep in his arms being reminded of the Versailles Days, when he wasn't fluent in english and he had fallen in love with me..it was that same barrier here now.

A language apart.

The same too.

He tipped over and we laid in our positions..him pressed on me with our breathing..

"it isn't like that."

"Like what?"

He coughed to clear his throat. Was my Maximilien coming back to himself? His palor wasn't very good to admire but he gained some color back..all back.. "I'm not like that.."

"I know."

"Tomiko, I hurt you and i cannot clear it away so i cannot ask you for forgivance yet..yet..yet.."

"You can, and i will forgive you. I promise you that. You're right about my hurt but if you don't it again, that i will take. But Maximilien if i am to share the rest of your life with you then..then..i want to share it and be let in. Not matter how bothersome it is for you."

Okay so maybe asking to come in fully would be a flaw to anyone else but it had to be so as he rearely kept much from me. Me and Eleonore whom he spoke about politics about..other than his colleagues. I was grateful he could trust me but today i wanted to know his personal details too. I admit though this year alone allowed me to know him better as i couldn't back in those 2 years because it was okay now. Okay because of familiarity.

Okay now.

But he couldn't do that to me!

Not at all!

Anymore!

"Tomiko, then i must thank you for accepting my apology and..and.."

"And what?"

"And you do have that right."

"Damn straight."

He stared at me and i resisted by every energy not to kiss him back an dhe hugged in the way could only solace me. Every chance too. Yeah i did. "I promise to let you in, no matter what my dear. No matter what i have on me. You shall know and only will i share it with you. But you already have the clues to why i'm upset and-"

I sighed. "crying. You know, i give you that..and what i had feared is true now. Arras no longer has any real meaning to me; it will always be my birthplace and my childhood home but i have a new home in Paris with you."

"And you'll stay in paris with me, correct?"

Guilt flooded me. Arras..Hokkaido..I wasn't ready to fully let it go..I hadn't grown up enough. not at all. "Yes i will. As longas i can." He shook his head and smacked a kiss on my forehead and said words only i could of dreamt. "No, forever as my bride and-"

"Let's not worry that now. I'll just say as long as i can..but Maxime..do you really promise all that? All that entirely? Because i'll do the same for you if you want..I'm sure you want that also..I'm sure.." His offer to live fully in paris. I couldn't comment on much because i cared for his promise more as it was here and the now and not the future i couldn't see. I could see the promise but not my future as his wife. Hopefully i could be a wife then and mature enough. .but i doubted it..and maybe i would prove to both my parents and Tomoyuki that i wasn't going through a phase.

"That's good..but.."

"So i don't think we can stay here all day.."

"If you want."

"I don't. I don't."

"But you do hurt anymore?"

"No. It's all better and you did it. It won't be erased yet..you make me forget about it..like i do with the revolution..with you..right?"

He gave a nod.

"Then we don't need to hold back then.."

"Hold back?"

"I still want you and you are not going to start without finishing. Believe me. So..close your eyes an dit will be all over..all over.."

He smirked and i drew myself close to his lips and pounced on them losing all control now. I wanted again to experience, to live his feeling in me. My action got him going and he flipped me over and just lovingly tackled me..so beautifully too.

Promise.

Promise

He'd keep his word..

"I'm forgetting about the revolution.." He remarked in between my gasping and moaning; and iall in my ear too. All his words too.My head whirled and whizzed and i felt trapped not between nationalities but countries..Japan and France. How? how? How? I do not know. I do not know. "Good." Caught up in it..the politics..the politics that mushed feelings.

Feelings that i couldn't..

Every moment, i'd see his face and my thoughts are the same from before that day in Versaille when we met and when he kissed me the first time around. He wasn't conventional, he wasn't as he kept proving to be a adifferent character every day so i had to rush in order to catch up and once i did..he'd start up again..who knew what went in his mind all the time..Who knew? Just maybe he thought of me too...thought of me too..sometimes when the business of his club seemed hopeless. Seemed so.did his mind just wander away? my thoughts were the same..the same as always..nothing in this universe mattered no more...because we were exactly at the same pace with each other. The faint music of Arras could be heard from outside. .yet i was trapped..trapped with the recurring thought 2 years back...2 years back..the same ones. The same ones. Who could think of revolution here? Revolution ..revolution away..just us here..

Never wrong. How he staked himself. How cocky really. Maybe by this kind gesture of marriage was him really saying all he said now..and to calm me and make me believe. I held up my hand that wore the ring. The promise ring. I hadn't taken it off..to make me believe that i wasn't making a mistake..I guess he was right and besides i had been his lover for nearly 2 years since 1789 and i had always had faith in our love. So why not when he's been promising marriage ever since?

"But this is my life now."

Mine too. Mine too.

I giggled lightly overcomed.

Nothing could be resolved in a few mintues worth of talking(especially with me) but take the nessacary(sp) time. Time. Time. Blasted thing really. SO we were close and in love.

"But i still really like your poetry."

He blurted out a grin and got out. I followed down, into his helping arms and after quick glances, we both fell besides each other, each walking to our destination. We had somehow gotten out into a further part of Arras but Arras no doubt and i still wished to speak to him before we saw his friend up ahead. But i was silenced by myself and it was all an unenchantment unable to be unbroken even if he started the next.

"Maybe you should of been-"

"Aren't those a burden to you?"

"You need them so i figure not. But i can tell they are a burden to you."

"Me?"

They were cumbersome. Those damn crutches. "Yeah. I thought you hated them too."

"I didn't."

Our hands laced together as we reached the final steps of where his friend was living. We entered with a knock and a greeting to a friend at the front door. Maximilien exclaimed with excitement i hadn't seen and went to hug his friend, speaking perhaps the most tender words in french. But to what i saw on the outside..from my view..the friend only showed coldness. Coldness perhaps mistaken identity? Maybe he thought of Maxime as a stranger because he hadn't seen him ..or something? but even so none of my friends acted in this rude manner..no matter how much the time not seen..no matter..but was Maxime pickign this up?

Yeah Maxime was highly absent minded but it couldn't be this time. Not at all. it was too obvious to miss yet one could still miss the signs...What did this mean for him?

Did he still have some sort of connectiong left except his siblings?

My heart trembled and almost felt like breaking when this friend slammed the door, in Maxime's face no doubt. now bad blood was here and poor, poor maxime got it all. Still i wanted to know if his connection was ruined and how he was handling it. How could i approach him? how could without envoking his sorrow? But i decided to try. "maximilien.."

He consoled me those rought nights in Arras, why should i return the favor? Return all the love..all the caring to him..

"Maximilien..Maximilien..Maximilien.."

How much longer could he be hunched back in his sadness? If it was that..if it was..

"Maximilien.."

I could only see his back and the rising and falling with the air, in and out. Breathing as his world crashed. Breathing far away knowing perhaps revolutions do change all things. Maybe he lost it. maybe he lose that connection..maybe his friend did him wrong here that could never happen before. before. Then in this entire event, i came to realize that he suffered more as he was more deeply implicated than and could hardly substain his health to hold himself to great demands. I didn't want him to collaspe on me..not on me..i felt for him..all of him because i couldn't of changed without him. Without him i couldn't of had the courage to say no to the things in my life I wouldn't change nor alter for my mother. He set me free. I had been like Rousseau what. I had been born free but i was in chains everywhere..yet i needed no contact to keep myself to freedom, to liberty.I knew the way out. My will power and my reason. But Maximilien..Maximilien.."Maximilien.." I said as my voice broke and tears disturbed my face. "Maximilien.." all i could do was apologize..apologize..

"I'm so-so-so-so-so---"

How bad could i be here?

How much could he be trapped in himself?

How? How? How?

What good does sorry ever do? Sorry cannot alter facts, sorries are the what ifs we couldn't normally put to a black and white world. but it was a inbetween sometimes..

gray too..

For maybe the billonest time, I cried. I cried and expect nothing from him. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I pulled his connected hand and it only got weighter. More mighty and me without any decision either.

"Sorry-sorry.."

He echoed his concern by facing me so. His shallow eyes resting their color.. I'd never felt the flood but the rain i always did. I always felt.."I'm sorry. I'm sorry Maximilien. It's all my fault! I did it all! i DID it!!" i declared now conerning myself with any pain. i could identify with him. We were one. We were one being. One, together. It wasn't at this moment that he lost his will to speak. I had seen it at Versailles when he had at first was starting but surely..surely..surely..he was okay this way. Okay. Now my apologies were muffled and inforherent, as i kept the blame to myself. I kept the full blame for him losing so bad as he did. He shouldn't end up like me alone in my own life, alone among my friends and family..alone and drifting. That life wasn't for him. That was his life..

I stomped my good foot and cursed in japanese. I stayed in japanese, heart broken.

One phrase kept going around.

Shikata ga nai

Shikata ga nai

it couldn't be helped

it couldn't be helped.

All because of a single revolution..a single thing to stir up old friends against each other.

"I'm sorry that they hate you! I'm sorry that they ever laughed or hurt you at your expense! I'm sorry! I'm sorry for their abuses! I'm sorry."

Apologizes. Apologizes because i wasn't anything without him..

All about me..

All about me! Why couldn't i keep it focused on him? Why must i take away his own pure sorrow when i just stoleken or made mine up? Why be as selfish? Why?!

Why be selfish?!

Why me?

Damn selfishness. Damn it. "I'm sorry for making it all about me. I'm sorry for my selfishness..sorry for my crying again..I can't hold it in anymore. I can't.." I, like the child, obstinately attempted to have him with me, feeding only on my selfish desire, as i went on bended knees. I wasn't anything..but because he gave me reasons, and many more choices and freedom..I could say honestly he was my wings. My wings that shot me higher with many dreams and my expectations as a foreigner..as Marie Antoinette. Had i not been taught any better than her?

Had i not?

Yes i had. Yes i had..Yes i had..i wasn't queen. I wasn't the mother of an heir. I wasn't any of that. I was Tomiko takahashi..he leaned and braced my arms, lifting me to glory again in his presence forgiving.

"I expected this much. You are my true friend miko. Don't think of your selfishness as it being so. It's you and you are tapping to something purer..as your tears do..everyone should follow you.."

Purer?

Purer?

Maximilien?

Follow me?

"Tomiko, it isn't so bad. It isn't. My pain is nothing. You cleared it all up. I feel nothing but gladness by the kindness and devotion...it's too pure..I'm afraid..and if everyone thought as you..if people behaved as you.." He paused then shifted his colored eyes on my entire face and spoke stronger. "no revolutions would be needed. You make them so that they don't exist..and that gift led me to keep you closer..but revolutions are here..hold nothing peaceful..in. I'll cradle you. I'll cradle you away to something.."

DId i really do this for him?

Had I..?

I was only me. Only me. The crybaby. The silly crybaby. The one that needed someone to hold for, hold to.

REvolutions destroyed it

Revolutions did that.

They..destroyed and..and..and..and..

the silly crybaby.the one who'd never grow up..that needed someone..because she couldn't end up alone anymore..

but revolutions all of them..

revolutions..

they destroyed but created too. They created this love. This love between us. They created hope for any tomorrow an din this moment with a swipe of a hand, he dived forward, arms coiling and lips pluckered up and then..then..contact..

But the way he did it..

My arms this time dropped to my sides as he crunched me nearer.

Distraction really. Distraction!!!

"But seriously Maxime, let us go back out. I really want to.."

"In Arras, now?" He questioned incredibility raising up his eyebrows probably weary of last time. "No Bon-Bon. Promise?"

"And i'll behave to!" i added in after to make him go with me. SO maybe if the cards fell then..I'd win..no Bon-Bon though and somehow that was a sure win...wasn't it? No Bon-Bon meant no harm, no trouble and no humilation either for any of us. Didn't robespierre notice that? It was a plus, a plus! A plus! He suspiciously glanced at me. Oh, come on. Come on! He'd have to give way!

Please. Please. Please Please...I almost could of start praying...

"I must visit a friend; you are happy to join." He said at last. Yes! YES! yes!

I won! I won! I won! "kiss me you damn frenchman.." I was only too happy to celebrate my victory and i'd rub it in his face alost because i could! Because i could and..and.."Kiss me.." I demanded and he pulled his head above my shoulder and i met him in the halfway; and we got as far as lips touching. He leaned as i did and we both erupted into frenized kissing.

TOuching about. Touching over. Tounching about...

"Do you feel important now?" He whispered, rolling his lips down and on.

"I do. I beat you ..and it matters because no one can do it." I squealed bouncing upward and i heard him chuckle. Why was he amazed by my excitement? My gittyness? Surely he could of been around this stuff..right? He went to being solemn again. "Ha..ha..ha maybe i let you."

"You didn't! You gave me all the looks or whatnot..an dthe other stuff, too!!!"

He smiled.

But what? But what?

"Let us go. I'll get us a coach and we'll.."

"Don't you mean a carriage?"

"No a coach my dear. My dear. My dear. My dear."

A coach? Yes a coach..how intriguing..He retreated through the door and i trailed behind. "You don't mean that, do you?"

"the winning?" He asked.

"Yes that."

"Why? Would you be mad if i-"

"No, annoyed."

I giggled.

We made it to the living room where Charlotte and Augustin were doing. Their faces were grim for a brief second before Augustin flounced up and greeted us. Charlotte wouldn't for me. "Where are you two going today?" The drill i could spot and i gazed at Maxime.

"You can't come. That's part of the deal."

"oh.....last time wasn't soooo bad miko and you know it..."

I cleared my throat. Yeah 'wasn't bad'. Yeah right. We had played around on this fantastic fountain and even splashed in its waters despite the chilling atmosphere in Arras. Being up north like this prompted me to pack some sweaters or heavier clothes incase it snowed during-though it was only October i knew..

"Maxime thinks so. So we're taking it easy today."

"Oooohh."

I sort of cared about Maximilien's opinions either about me or my behaviour as he was the only one self-conscious about either of these two thins more than most people. So i'd pace myself well enough for him. He's done the exact same also.

Because of my caring, i could choose how to act for myself..but i'd be myself no matter what though..."You look beautiful Miko."

I bowed.

"Arigato." I bowed again accepting this compliment and a snicker. Maybe what i had been taught was a little outdated but for any sake I still have to know it. I still lived partly in Japan and i was japanese for god sakes. SO why should i give up a part of myself here in France? Who cared if they laughed? Who cared? "Who are you visiting Maxime?" I turned my head knowing he'd switched it unable to find anything more to me. Then they went straight to French and spoke in it for 3 minutes before returned to the middle-english. And i recognized Augustin's pained face.

"Bon-Bon---"

"Have fun you two! We'll see you soon.."

he cut me off. Why? Why?

How ominous.

I slumped my shoulders and exited with Maxime on my arm to the front door, where i paused a moment and put on my converses. They were the only shoes i had here and i doubted that Charlotte would le me borrow any of her's , nor that i would fit in them. Any of them. my feet were too dainty and small anyway..then we strolled out to the outside of Arras. ALready i was impressed though Maxime had gone back to being solemn and reserve. Though we did have that warm welcome at the beginning ,none of the citizens paid no mind to him afterwards. Wasn't he their star? Their rockstar? Their celebrity? He had commented on the coldness though made no other mentions to it. Maybe they were tired.. maybe they were..though i did know what happened that first night. According to Augustin, Maxime was pissed at the people because they had wished to detach the horses and personally drag his carriage to Arras. he had a fit of course and i fell out.

But it was over.

Over entirely.

Nothing more to say for it. Nothing really. I couldn't think about it without being thrown to my feelings, so it no longer stayed in me. Maxime got a coach, told the driver where were to go and we both boarded, and the driver left. All like a cab in NYC. I'd been in cabs almost my young life when i lived there. I was born in NYC and lived there with my parents until my mother had a fit of loneliness and we moved back to Japan nearere to her own parents and the rest of the family. Which we've been ever since but lately i missed NYC and the business of it and somehow Paris, France made up for it all. ..the revolution was to be blamed.

"So what should i know about your friend?"

"Nothing except i have friends all over since the days of the Rosati Literary society..and other things.."

Sociable?

Maximilien?

Already the evenings of the Duplays were crowded by friends of teh family and friends of him really. My friends in paris were the dirty san-culottes. They were friends. I suppose. I happened to be on the opposite side-opposite party from Maxime since most friends of mine were Girondins but i had Jacobin friends too. But Maximilien sociable?
Hardly believable.

None of those evenings before or since proved to me otherwise.

"What did you do in that society?"

my curiosity was sparked and both windows were wide opne and the wind swept up my senses and mind. "You sorely wnat to know, don't you?"

"I do-"

"Why do you wish to know?"

"Because i want to know your character very well before i get married. Okay so i might not know all of you but i'm hoping to know something of you before our vows are taken and whatnot.That can't be wrong Maxime. It can't be wrong for a woman to want to know about her future husband, can it be?

"Well i do know that i get carried away but how can i not? I'm going to be married in some unknown length of time! It's very difficult not to feel any sort of pressure on me. Knowing that i'm franticenough and i'm constantly plagued with such thoughts knowing perhaps i'm not--"Now my heart raced. I had almost spilled it all out though. I wasn't reasy to be a bride nor a wife. I couldn't do any of those wifely things like cooking or cleaning! I burnt toast for buddha sake and i obviously missed spots all the time too! But inspite of these shortcomings, Maxime wasn't interested in the wife's trappings, he wanted a wife who knew the things from his work that annoyed him so and could engage in his type of intellectual conversations. That role i could be. So what if i couldn't be the traditional wife Charlotte or anyone else wanted, Maxime desired me as me.

"It's amusing but i can't deny you..it had do with roses.."

"Roses?"

"and poetry..but it was much than that-"

Poetry? My frenchman? Surely he couldn't be serious? Well if he was..so gifted in such in an art then i was curious to listen though it was probably all in french...but it's beauty was enough..

"Poetry..can you recite something from you?"

"It's not very good."

My eyes were stars now. "If it's about anything nice, i'm sure to pick it up.." I pushed my face to teh wind and it blew. Whatever he could do i wanted to hear. I wanted to.

"

Amis de ce discours use

conclusions qu'il faut boire;

Avec le bon ami Ruze

Qui n'aimerait a boire?

A l'ami Carnot-"

My eyes droppled(sp).

French always had that effect of putting me to sleep for some reason though..it flowed so perfectly..so perfectly..so perfectly.."it isn't any good." He snapped.

I bolted from my zombie state in time to rebuff him.

"I like it. I do. I like it very much so."

"Tomiko..i'm afraid of changes.."

What?

"your poem?"

He pushed his glasses off and put them on his forehead where he jabbed them back into his wig.

"We're here."

But he moved not. I shuffled my head around and then my arms. "Maxime.." What were to be my words? My words? "What is changing? What is it?"

He coughed.

"i'll see it for myself."

Do revolutions change people and relationships too? Neither of us had participated in any life changing situations as the countr was doing now, nehter of us had been in revolution..sure we could both revolt but..but..but..but..

deal with it? "But your poem is nice." I remarked back.

"You'd love anything by me."

"Yeah i would."

Nothing to falsify about. I'd admit it full way too. "So does this help your need?"

My need to know him would only come after..no it was here now instead...this day he couldn't fill it. "No it won't." He shot his eyes in my direction expecting me to explain. "It won't ever because i'll learn these things later. I won't know them now and most certaintly you won't talk of them as frankly as you've been. But you'll tell me. Tell me through your actions..you may not of satisified my need but you gave me a start." But i wondered how he'd be in the revoltuion. How his past might propel him to whatever he sought in these times and in the jacobins. I'd know as i had said. A start was something..an di'd use it.

"Glad i helped then."

"Yeah you did. But shouldn't you go see your friend?"

"I am, you're coming."

I glimsped at my feet and to my injury. In Arras, I had abandonded my crutches and went on my own. Though it was mroe unwise, i'd deal with any consequences later. Later, always."But you find that fascinating, don't you? Wel maybe if you put such an effort to ask me these questions, I should readily do the same. My life is plain, my dear. My life has always since my parents..but i remember almost every detail back here..but..my life hadn't begun until I was in this position and i had you."

All lives were plain retrospect yet..yet..yet i launched myself to the frenchman, clasping him to my breast and overjoyed. My life was the same except for the parents part..but everything to my family, to my schooling and my friends.

"I tell you the truth. It is plain..rather was..but.."

"mine's probably more dull than yours!! " I exclaimed jabbing at his words. He stayed smushed, breathing in me, filling my own lungs with his oxygen. His O2. "Miko.."

"Maximilien.. I'm just nervous..an di don't want to feel like i am about to marry the wrong guy.."

"I am the right one."

"so if i am a bit demanding, forgive me. I only wish to get closer to you. And if i knew about you more than i'd know it. I'd know it so steadily myself, and we'd have some common ground."

"We are close, are we not?" he muttered.

I thought on it."Why do you say that?" i inquired unsure of his message. He motioned with his hands for me to release him. Air, free air passed.

He fixed or adjusted the messy parts of him and answered me. "Because i do not tell every friend of mine that. we are close . We are..and because of this closeness, i feel love and i wish to make it all up to you in marriage. Sweet marriage my dear. Do not worry, nor fret, I am the right man for you., I'll assure you later."

book 4

My clothes were laid perfectly folded on the bed, as i moved freely in my beautiful elegant, white, rippled dress with a green slash that was tied in a bow in the back; which acted like a belt also. But this dress caught me. it caught me though i loathed dresses and usually refused to wear them but this was a gift from Charlotte, to me; her maybe new sister-in-law but this gift was an insult perhaps.Perhaps because she probably noticed i wore no dresses while in Arras, and decided to rub it infront of Maxime, to give him the message I wasn't any lady but in his absent mindedness never caught on.

Thank goodness! thank buddha!!!

he'd be stressed like Augustin who noticed by my proofs and tried to keep the damage minimal between us women. But surprisely we women were full of manners that hid our dislike. Less subtle then the men. Less public too..unless one was in the inner circle, to know these things. Even my hair matched my dress with a ribbon. A green one. I had 3 more dresses and they were as beautiful and i was in love with everyone of them too; ans the accessories too! How grand. Freedom. Freedom. I swayed my dress and me around teh room a couple of times, enjoying myself here now. Arras. In the early stages, the early days i hated being here. I hate it. I despised it too. But i'd seen the sights.

The sights i can barely recalled their names..but were breathless. Breathless. What a marvelous place..more than Hokkaido.

Arras grew on me. It grew on me. It did. it did. It did. it did. Now i needed a partner to dance with. A partner. A partner who could dance. WHO COULD REALLY and wasn't any of my relatives or my brother. Not my brother...either..now..to him..What was he doing now?

What was he..?

No! I shall not think of him!

Not of him.

"Tomiko? Aren't you coming out? I need to-"

"Maximilien?"

"Does it fit good? How does it look on you? Do you like it?"

His endless questions. how enduring of him. His endless pondering. Why did he complicate the simple things? Why? And why wouldn't he peek in either? A evil plan bloomed and i ripped the door wide open, showing him, tilting sideways to what i believed and thought. I grinned. "See for yourself." His near sighted eyes traveled ove rmy body andn i knew he'd want to experience me in this dress. "And..and..come here and kiss me." I curled my lips and gracefully drifted back and spun around. twirling, twirling, twirling, spinning spinning becoming dizzy. Becoming it. The room at my back. The room merging away to a newer place. A newer place. Now I wondered if he'd catch me before i fell. Before i go out of my mind.

Floating.

Floating.

Floating

Spinning to my dreams perhaps. Perhaps. Perhaps.

Then arms drapped and grabbed my waist.

I spun more but lighter this time.

Lighter.

Lighter Lighter Lighter.

"I am and if you hope hard enough..more.."

My spine tingled. It wasn't hard to get him aroused..too easy..why so? my thoughts on this? Not enough exposure to women?That could be the case because when we first me he was reserved, shy, polite..not that he did not retain that..now..But the promise of sex and all his kindness too. "But i must resist my urges and tell you that we shall stay in Arras a couple more weeks...before traveling around-"

His hands and his face cowarded and slobbered kisses over my long neck. he ventured no further but my mind did race. Was it about business?

It was!

So a plan had to be made...and I'd get Augustin to it..two heads are defintely better than one..but he couldn't do business! not on the vacation!

Errr..

But not staying? Where is 'around'? Where? Where?

"what? I thought we were staying here-Maxime!!" That turned me off and i shook him away and returned to my senses. He couldn't! He couldn't!! "Tomiko..you can stay here-"

"without you?" I snapped miserably.

Without him, i'd be picked on by the cold and horrible sister of his and even Augustin could not hold her fury back; and besides i came with him and it was only good to stay with him even if i was going to be dragged in his district. "You don't want to stay?"

"Not without you and not without my reasons either. Maxime..Maxime.."

The memory of the carriage ride plagued me.But to leave when i was getting used to Arras..when i was..I shivered. I wanted to..I wanted to...

"You said that you wanted me to enjoy myself before going to Paris again...and being in Arras does that..do you wish to go back on yourself? Do you want?-Do you want that?!"

Silence.

"Tomiko. I do not..but i promise you that Arras is our real destination no matter where we go around. We'll always spend most of our time here. I promise you..and i promise you before also.."