I updated again. You guys should just love me=) Anyhow...

i'm actually getting into my own story xD these sections are quite old..but anyhow..i'll update again tomorrow.

^^ and i'm thinking about when i finished 1789; at least the first book, i'll type it up on another journal xD

here you go =

the tender kind..and soon..he helped unfreeze my heart with his care yet he never ceased holding me, never asking never questioning like Robespierre; as Augustion only cared about helping me now, putting those questions to rest and i happened to be as grateful. Grateful as ever.
"Bon-Bon?"
"Miko-chan.."
He lifted his hand on my forehead and through my messed up hair. "how are you now?"
"Better but why haven't you-?"
I blinked. "That's good."
"I'm sorry."
Final words.
Acknowledgement?
Any?


I waited again perhaps believing i wouldn't get it...I didn't deserve any of this love he offered..none..Tears once again brimmed the outlines of my eyes. my tears were on the edge again. "It's okay."
"I won't do that again, I promise but why haven't you-?"
"asked about it? Aren't you curious at all to hear why i did that?" I spoke barely in a hushed voice.
He shook his head. "Why am i to worry about your reasons? I only care for you..and besides I'm not..questions just hurt a person..and.."
"Bon-Bon, i hurt you dearly and if i could-"
I was sounding like Maximilien..but he gave me another head shake and any plans that i could have were gone then. why didn't he want to hear my reasons? for what i did? Why not? And how could questions hurt me?
"Dear sister-"
"Augustin, don't you wish to know?"
It felt right to cry again..let it spill out and drip..i had nothing to hide anymore and felt that perhaps i should tell him all...
"No miko-chan. I don't-"
"Bon-Bon..i'd gladly tell you everything..but i don't know if i'm-"
"Exactly sis. Tell me everything later. I'll listen then, i promise so. Because you must reserve your energy and you're getting a bit toasty.."
hot?
Feverish?
But so-But so-it mattered not! Whether he really meant it or not..I could barely tell nor accept any of his kindness he dotted on my head. I felt fine..yet..yet.."You will, won't you?"
"And you won't say anything of this to Maxime-?"
"Non. He won't know a thing."
I smirked.

Dear Bon-Bon out there for me so..i expected nothing less from him..nothing but.."I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't meant to offend you nor frighten you. I assure you that i'm in perfect health and of sound mind-"
He interrupted as i flaked some of my tears off. he didn't avoid me any longer. He finally came to my apologize to me..

"It's never okay to do that..i know.." I said quietly halting on what words he was to speak. "and you can't be be okay with it at all.."
"It doesn't work that way either.."

I finished heaving a nice sign and then he showed great affection by kissing me on the cheek and they did redden after so. "it doesn't matter miko-chan..whether if you were going through any tough-"
"not with Maximilien! So it can't be anything! " I interjected prisley.
Another flash of a smile.
"You said it all for me. You said what i've been thinking since we got home and..i've been so-"
Again I got excited.
"So sweet for all my trouble!"

Another lightning flash too.
Tears rung and the purity of them sprinkled. my dear brother-in-law..future brother-in-law always there for me..always..always.. "i love you bro."

That was all i could muster in me at the moment...the precious moment anyhow. "What would i do without you?" I cried lightly and he too became touched and tears reigned supreme in his cracked glaze.
"What would i-? You're the best-"
"You'll be the best brother.you haven't yelled at me or called me stupid..or anything..you've been so wonderful..even taking care of me as i ruined your surpise..I loved it too bro...I did..and I love you, doesn't convey myself to you..it can't..and i mean it sincerely too."
Understanding.
Devoting. His love. His brotherly kind.
No loud voices..nothing that could upset my condition..nothing to hurt me."Augustin-?"
I was blinded by tears clogging up all around and he just remained to silence, weeping too and hugging me suddenly..being the brother i could never have.
Never once did he do the things Tomoyuki would..Never..it only made me feel more welcomed into the family I'd marry into..and less guilt and shame too. Less shame when i had done that stunt. he made it okay.. okay..he made everything i do okay to do. Everything.
Including my stunt into the fountain. "I know you do soeur.."



I jolted upward, dreary and teary and not the good way either. The kind of teary awaken from nightmares. Dreadful kind really. Dreadful..Nightmares..Nightmares..I tried to see but realized it was just darkness and i was on the couch still but fluffied up with pillows and dozens of sheets and blankets. Then with this knowledge, i slipped back into sleep.

"ha! I beat you!"
I screeched once i saw Robespierre come into the living room and i was sitting up wide awake before him. I had gotten before him but his reaction was shocked.
"Tomiko, are you well this morning?"
'yea i am. Now aren't you to give a morning kiss?" I questioned as he blinked going ot me and pluckering those thin lips and stammering down. It was great not to feel him..to feel his lips..his lips..oh god! oh God! oh buddha! Though going out with Bon-Bon made me happy and content; i missed Maxime. "there you go..how was your day with Charlotte and whatnot?"
"Charlotte and Buissart.He's an old friend that i write to..and am still connected to. We enjoyed a cafe..-a nice little one..and we chatted for awhile..it was good my dear."
I grinned yawning.
Geninue happiness.
maybe this vacation was becoming a great idea and that we should do it more often for the sake of maximilien.
"that's great Maxime.."
"Tomiko.."
"There is so much I wish to say to you..so much that i wish..but i can hold back my love. I can though. But today..But today.."
Was was he-?

"Maximilien."
Another kiss and en exit.
I stared.
What was he struggling with? What was it?
That man seemed to have such a hidden agenda..for something..or not..I got up confused slightly and ecided to lather myself in the bathtub;  So i tipped toed to Robespierre's bedroom, obtained my bag and dragged it in the air, avoiding noise. But l was still confused. Slightly still but..
Pauvre Maximilien.
And pauvre moi, for not understanding so much.
I entered the bathroom, shut the door and went to the tub..the tub was already filled with fresh water and that gave me thought that it had been prepared for someone and could that someone be Maximilien? Besides me, he was the only one up..and maybe what he wanted to say could amount to a romantic adventure for us and maybe more too.
So it was him!
HIM! HIM!
It had to be! Who else?!
I examined around the tub to find a sparse bouquet of flowers trapped or stringed above the water's surface. I chuckled, stripping down and slowly dipping in and grabbing the bouquet, pushing it to my chest.
How wonderful..how sweet.

oh..
Oh..
Oh..
How could he of known? How could he without experience? How could he? It made me yearn for him..that sweet sweet man..he did all this..and for what? For what?
My pleasure?
I squeezed the bouquet again as i slipped down into the water, letting it be my cover. The water was warm..no..it was cool..tingly all over. It was cool enough to make me shiver..shiver away..away..But all so cool.
But just perfect to every detail..then i observed the bouquet. The flowers were bright colors-red, pink, white; all so glimmering in the protruding sunlight beaming down upon the tub. But the bouquet had a red ribbion tied around matching the colors gorgeously together.
all so glamorous.
All so romantic
so beautiful..enchanting really..darling-oh how i longed for him!! Longed to kiss him and hold him as i did before..as i did before..oh Maximilien Robespierre..how enchanting..lovely, lovely..I then brushed that bouquet down me..when the water came..I pulled them back infear. Infear of ruining it as i did Bon-Bon's surprise.
I loved them dearly, so no harm would come to them. My head went back and i yawned and stretched out my arms enjoying this life and this bath despite the lack of my washing. At even minutes, i looked at either the bouquet or my ring and always thought of my dear Maxime. My dear Maxime. Slowly my eyes shut and i barely moved in the water as i swayed my feet before removing them and lying them on the side of the tub. I then changed my mind and extended out my whole body the entire way; and my feet splashed in the water briefly before being out the way i wanted. I kept my head back, and eyes closed..

       My mind whirling as this water-this was my only private time.
Oh..

My peace of mind.
The peace from everyone and everything outside.
My peace.
It calmed me.
The water did.
And in here, i washed myself clean; i was clean in here..the water did it all..I could merge myself here and never leave and hopefully accept myself as me despite the recurring memories. I could accept it within in me.
Water did that. Wather cleansed my soul. My sould and both my head and heart..
Peace here.
But my thoughts turned elsewhere. Yes this vacation was wonderful and everlasting but what of it once it ends? I'd then have to commit myself to Paris until the revolution finishes..whenever that would be..whenever..I then swept all of me back into the tub and rolled my head straight, and my eyes were awake and then sunk more into the water almost feeling defeated somehow by something cheap. This was the final trip home. I knew. I knew it was from the start in our carriage. I figured it could only be and once he told me finally then it grew seriously dire and stuffed with sadness.
Paris.
I laced my hands about my bent up knees and hugged them for thier stability. Their strength.The bouquet floating the water now..
I had been there too..but..i snatched the bouquet up and dropped it to the floor after smelling them in and taking in again their beauty and fragnance. The intoxicating sort.
I was those flowers..and all in uncertain hands also. And i had been there before in that water remembering all i could.. I missed them but pondered about Paris and what everything or everyone was doing. How was the revolution now without us? Without us? And weren't people ever to truly notice it?
Notice the revolution?
Ever?

I dunked my head and immediately shot up gasping air with my wide mouth; succeeding again to wet my hair. Water dripped all over and i was at serenity but i kept thinking..thinking..thinking..thinking..until it was hardly standable anymore.
I noticed it.
I noticed the revolution within my friends and in Maxime too and in me also.
My head whirled and hurt ; and felt the heavyness of sleep. Of sleep..on its top.
The pressure building.
building..
I dropped my hands and my knees collasped, resting uncomfortable like..but manageable.

I yawned once more and without finishing any of my washing nor any shaving (though i hardly needed it) but i did put shampoo in my hair and take it out before.but without finishing anything else I climbed out, naked as still as death. I wrapped my towl and put it in its place; hands all free; movement free. Movement too.
I still wondered beyond my capability..about afterwards and of my friends and a revolution I couldn't control..I still wondered how it could be like in Paris all the time as such as I'd planned...with Robespierre.. I picked up the bouquet and like a bride, carried it proudly and gracefully to Maxime's roon where i crashed on his bed exhausted. Lightly sleeping.